4.) What you don't want to find out about Radiation

After my second radiation treatment it hurt to pee and after the third treatment I started seeing blood in my urine. It's difficult to imagine finishing all 28 planned treatments with it going like this so quickly. That's not even the worst of it, I unfortunately came up with a new condition. Sexual anhedonia or 'ejaculatory anhedonia'. This means that one will ejaculate with NO accompanying sense of pleasure. This rare condition means one can suffer from lack of pleasure when the body goes through the orgasm process. Mine has been painful for several minuets like a bee sting and strong pressure like you have to pee but cant start at the same time, some fluid does come out but with no pleasurable feeling at all like an orgasm normally has.
Now after the eighth Radiation with Chemotherapy treatment I still have blood in my pee, a little more then yesterday and very red for the last few drops. So much for my worrying about erectile dysfunction. Getting and keeping erect is no problem, but my orgasm really sucked. When it happened I didn't feel any spasm at all. A fair amount came out but I would not have known if I didn't see it. Rather then the uncomfortable stinging painful feeling I've felt for the last week now I can't feel anything. No muscle spasm or hormone rush. No afterglow, happy sleepy feeling that I always felt before. A sad thought comes over me but this may be what many unsatisfied women feel. No wonder they want to talk during and after sex. I get it now. It Sucks. Now I wonder why I was so focused on possible erectile dysfunction. It never occurred to me there could be something worse. I never considered it might not feel good anymore. I need to put new thoughts into when hopeless is really hopeless and how it fits in my exit strategy, I may already be a lot closer then I thought. I had assumed my problems wouldn't really start to kick in until after the surgery. I don't know how many cancer patients plan an exit strategy for when things become unbearable, I have a definite plan but haven't talked to anyone about it, It should suffice to say that if things get unbearable by my definition of unbearable my hope is its mercifully brief.
Dr C. had no information on the orgasm change when I talked to him Tuesday. I wonder if anyone has studied this problem. The hospital took a urine sample to test for infection, when the resident called she said there was blood but no gross infection found. Heck, I drank so much water for the x-ray treatment before the sample was taken the pee was totally clear, it is a wonder it even tested as pee and not tap water. I'm impressed they even found blood.
Today's photo is the area of my pelvis getting radiation, it is the actual CT scan of me the hospital Physics department used to set up my position and radiation dose. I get 3 doses a day, one from each side and one from the back. they Davide it up to minimize the dose to neighboring organs. the dose to my hips is enough to give me a higher likelihood of having a broken hip in my lifetime. I get 1.8 Gray total per day (or 180 Rads absorbed dose. the new unit used is Gray) To put that in perspective The dose of radiation from a normal chest x-ray is 0.25 mRad. so everyday I get the equivalent of 720,000 full chest x-rays concentrated to my pelvis. A normal x-ray machine runs at about 70,000 volts, the particle accelerator they used to treat me runs at 5 million volts. Another interesting comparison is the radiation dose in Hiroshima at 1 m above the ground in open field at 1 km (.6 miles) from the hypocenter is estimated to be 4.5 Gy (less then 3 of my 28 treatments) At 2 km (1.2 miles) from the center it was only 0.08 Gy. I should note that the organ most sensitive to radiation, the small intestine is carefully minimized in my therapy. Somehow I find the comparisons interesting. Its amazing what our body's can tolerate.

3.) Radiation Therapy

Day #1 started Chemo and Radiation. After a simulated radiation treatment where they use a ct scanner rather then a particle accelerator to get the proper aiming set. the goal is to treat the tumor and surrounding tissue and lympth nodes while avoiding other organs. That being complete Today was the day for the first real dose of radiation. After the warnings about erectile dysfunction caused by all three therapy's - chemo surgery and radiation I wasn't real excited to get started. I wasn't and never have been convinced they do all they can to minimize the unintended consequences of treatment. I hate to seem ungrateful for them trying to help save my life but I have a strong interest in wanting it to still be a life I want saved. They asked me if I understood and consented to the treatment and I wasn't enthusiastic so I got to talk to the radiation doctor some more. He said it was up to me I could decide not to do treatment, he was not really getting where I was coming from. I relented to going ahead without all the information I wanted. I recognised he was not going to be able to teach me all he knows which is what I was after. The treatment was long and very painful. The radiation wasn't painful its the contraption they put you in to keep you in the same position. There was nothing supporting me from just below my nipples to my pelvic bone. The first few treatments take longer as they take xrays to verify your position and draw marks on you to keep you lined up. I never thought it had to be painful but was for what seemed no good reason. The x-ray photo is my actual position, I was told to drink a lot and let my belly hang as low as possable to get it out of the way.

2.) Colon Cancer Treatment Begins

The pathology report confirmed the tumor was an adenocarcinoma. Appointments were made for me to see a Radiation Oncologist Dr. C, a Colorectal Surgeon Dr. M and a Medical Oncologist Dr. H. CT scans of chest/abdomen/pelvis and lots of blood tests were ordered. Once this ball starts rolling it picks up speed quickly. I met with the 3 cancer specialists on 4/7 one after the other. Dr. M performed an Endoscopic ultrasound to view the tumor from the inside. The procedure was odd in that they have you get in a strange position like being bent over a saw horse while they insert the probe for the ultrasound in your bum. It looks like a chrome plated vacuum cleaner tube. The doctor watched a video screen and spoke with a student with him, I asked to get a printout of the screen he was looking at. He made a brief attempt, couldn't get it to work and gave up. He was much more interested in the student with him then he was in giving attention to me. He had me quickly whisked across the hall back to another exam room while he stayed with the student. After some time passed he reappeared and described a plan of 28 treatments of Radiation ehile taking Chemotherapy followed by Resection Surgery with a temporary illiostomy. Then followup Chemotherapy and finally if all goes well reversal of the ostomy bag to restore normal anal function. It was a long day with a lot of information. If I had to give the day a one word descriptor it would be "Impersonal" All the attention I was given was directed at the cancer and very little to me as an individual.

1.) Experience of a Colorectal Cancer Suvivor

First let me warn you this blog is not for the squeamish some parts are graphic and cover medical subjects. When it comes to my insisting on getting the treatment I should have I don't take hostages. The photo is a before picture of my polop before it was biopsied.
I started this as a personal experience diary but realized I wish I had been able to read more stories like this when as I started my treatment. I've scowered the internet for information to the point I jokiningly list Dr. Google as my primary physician. I have not seen anything in my travels that details each little indignity a rectal cancer patient gets to endure with detail and humor so here I go.
The adventure began the end of May 2009 with a visit to a Great World Famous expert in the field of colonoscopy. The reason for my scheduling the procedure was passing my 50th birthday and I had some painless rectal bleeding during bowel movements I assumed was hemorrhoids. The Skilled clinician I refer to has been known to paint the toenails pink of folks he knows can take a joke so I declined full anesthesia to head off the possibility - or participate in the laughter. I probably should mention here the kind doctor I'm referring to and evaluating so highly has done nail painting before and knows of my sence of humor making my pink toenail likelihood almost a certainty. The procedure was without much discomfort. I watched the video monitor as the camera explored my pink insides. A large mass was identified in the rectum and a electro-caurtey snair was used to remove a large portion of it. Lots of pictures were saved along the way to insure my scrap book would be gross well illustrated. The tissue samples were prepared for a pathologist to evaluate. It was a little odd to watch the little puffs of smoke from the caurtery as the tissue was snaired but it wasn't painfull. as the procedure came to an end I was dreaming of eating my first solid food and drinking something much tastier then lemon-lime flavored gogo juice. For anyone who has yet to enjoy the pleasures of a colonoscopy prep it really doesn't mater what flavor you get. If you keep it in your mouth long enough to actually taste it you were not given proper instructions. You should think of this as a bar game, the goal is to empty the cup in as few seconds as possable. I could probably come up with a variation of beer pong for bowl prep and make a fortune.